I can already tell this is going to be a long one, I think you’re gonna need to pour yourself a cuppa. There’s a lot I need to tell you, so open up your ears you see It goes deeper than that so open up your heart, soul and mind. Become one with yourself, take a deep breath, are you ready to go ?
Sometimes I think to myself where do I begin, do I start at the end and work my way back or do I start from the beginning and work my way forward to this present day ? It’s really a tough one don’t you think ? What would you suggest I do ?
They say the only way is forward, but how do we look forward without conquering our past. My past is like a maze within a maze within a maze. On a different day you might say it’s a box within a box within a box and so fourth.
So Why am I telling you this ? Because the only way to understand my poetry is to read between the lines and connect the dots between the past and the future. As one box opens there are another 5 more waiting to be opened. Memories I’ve locked away and thrown away the key. Pain, anger and regret stop me opening those boxes, but you can though, feel free to but just remember open at your own risk. Every time I write something it’s like a box is opened, a memory is remembered, a slow release of good energy oozes into my body, a touch of happiness taints my soul. But only for a brief second though as the pain comes crawling back like the venom on my red heart. I hope you see this picture that I’m painting because it’s real. I don’t think I’m going to write something as real as this ever again. This pain I can’t pretend, you see it’s eating me inside as if two bodies collide. It was only a matter of time before the third one came alive. So soon I couldn’t help it I didn’t know what to do. Like a fool I partied in night, that’s a pain I’ll never forget. That’s a memory I’ll always regret. It still hurts me till this day, eats me up like when a Lion finds a Gisele,
Promises made to multiple girls. Of course I turned off my humanity switch that’s the only way to deal with the pain and do what I have to do. To prepare myself for what’s to come, a new life I’ve begun, no love I’m not sprung …
Now I wanna do something yeah. Right so:
Close your eyes for me…
Now imagine the most important thing to you, everything you hold dear to your life. That you would protect with all your might. Jump in front of a bullet if you have to. Donate a bone marrow if you could. Transfer a liver or a kidney if that was the case. Give your life for theirs because it’s your bond that is strong. Because you can’t bare to see them gone. It may not be a person but as long as you catch my drift we can move on.
Now imagine its beauty, or the significance it holds in your eye, a love so strong you would never look behind, never look back because from day one you saw something. Something that made you think, yeah this is special, this is it, this is what I’ve been looking for. Now imagine you bought every single piece of land around this thing you hold dear to your life. You water the plants, you patch the cracks in the ground, hell you even build a 6 story house because that’s how much you appreciate what you have. Imagine palm trees grow, flowers flourish, daffodils blossom, swimming pools as far as the eye can see, literally the best thing you ever seen in your life.
They say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone right, so open your eyes now how do you feel ? I see that smile on your face. Even the toughest of guys flash a smirk however in the midst of that smile and that smirk I urge you to close your eyes again, take your mind back to where it all began. The first memory you’ve ever had of what’s most important to you. Now just like that in a second a big wave comes crashing down, tearing down everything in its path like when the Red Sea closed on all of pharaohs men. 6 story houses no more, beautiful beaches annihilated, swimming pools dried up, flowers, daffodils and roses no more. This wasn’t no ordinary wave this was an exodus 2 type of wave. So maybe it was Gods plan or maybe it was your mistake that cause all this to happen, either way it’s gone and you have to put all the pieces back together as if your Yugi putting the puzzle back together. You see now every time you struggle your in an alternate universe, it’s like someone else is fighting your battles for you. A new sense of belief, somewhat like protection from what’s really real, so you sign the deal giving this alternate paradox all the power. Now whenever things go wrong your reminded of what once was, and how everything can go back to how it was. When In reality everything is falling apart. Walls being broken down inside your kingdom, In order to strengthen and make taller your outer walls so no one can get in. But this alternate universe is like a cancer that kills you within, so I guess all your efforts are left void. Frustrated and basked in the ambience of all this pain you cry out for help. You see that faint memory is like an outstretched hand, but the more you remember the more you start to hurt. So you forget….
I see you’ve nearly finished your cuppa, should I pour you another? Are you ready for another box ? Can you handle the pain ? Because this box is all about the blame and unforgiving pain.
Round and round in circles, all this anger could you really tame it ? Alcohol?? yeahh that’s what we’re going to blame it on. A little Foxy Union so bring it on, are you ready for what you about to see when your ready to put yourself to sleep. That pains insane, probably one of the worst because that’s when your mind recollects all that’s ever been done to you. All the tears that were took from you, literally plucked from your eye I mean it all the tears that were took from you. Do you see it now? Do you see the pain that they caused, I ask again do you see it now all the pain that they caused? Do you see it now the vile thoughts that you have ? Wishing they would go away even if it isn’t in the worst way. Then you think about the pain and slowly I mean real slowly, like a predator hunting it’s prey, the worst way slowly becomes the best way. So do you love me ? Say you love me ? Say that it is okay ? Sorry I’m coming back to my senses forget that I ever asked if you were okay, because this pain I can’t let go, you just hurt me in the worst way. Physically put me in the worst place. Maybe I want you back but I know the pain is just too much. I know your far far away and you don’t want this tyga love, maybe you do but do I want to give it? Because the pain I felt can never happen again, I look and I can’t pretend. I once thought you were my friend, then you literally took everything from me, all I was good at, all that I was. Soo the ammunition is in my hand do I shoot you with it instead? I got better plans for it than to waste it on your chest when I could crush it and use it to blow off my own head. Through and through im definitely done with going around in circles, see my bloods boiling, I really can’t take a lot. It’s your fault I’m like this you really enhanced the pain, literally switched up my whole game and I guess that didn’t work for me. I hope your okay I know you feel some pain, I know you don’t like me maybe I hurt you as well. I don’t know if I want to apologise because this is my story to tell. So I’ll paint a little picture you can take it and start crying. Look at it !! It’s a picture of us crying within a picture of us crying within a picture of us dying. Can you stop me? Do you love me? I’m not okay. Do you love me ? Say you love ? Say you’re okay? Do you forgive me for walking away ? I guess we’re even now. Can you really please me now? See that’s was cause of all this pain. Back to where we began looking down maybe I shouldn’t have chose you? Or maybe I should have because then I wouldn’t have become the man I am now but do I forgive you though? That’s the real question. Do I love you though? That’s the real question. Will I ever though ? That’s the real question. Did I ever though ? That’s the real question
But do I regret it all? That’s the realist question
I see the pains too much for you to handle do you want a shot of this bourbon ? That’s how I cope otherwise my mind will explode, literally disintegrate Because the pain comes all too fast. Is it rhyming time yet ? Hmmm I know your not ready so let’s open another box and see how that goes
Hand on the glock you know I’m ready to ride, no one can harm my precious little safe haven. Otherwise I’m shooting to kill absolutely aiming for peoples heads and I don’t care because no one can hurt what’s mine for as long as I live, for as long as I have time. So for Every pain that is felt you gone feel it 10x harder
I loved you like no other it’s crazy coz there’s no other, that can match up to what we had. I think you was the best I ever had. I wish I could say that for definite but you haven’t seen me at the pinnacle of my peak. So I’m writing all these stories, I’m just hoping they don’t bore you. You see most of them were wrote whilst you were thinking I ignored you. I just needed time for me, I was only trying to set my mind free. Most of the time I start writing and I didn’t know what was going to come out, but when you were my muse I always knew my heart was going to come out. Literally my heart on the pad you see red smoke period, too much pain on the pad now so it’s black smoke period. See I remember missing periods just to be with you, then you told me you missed your period, that shits insane fuck I’m in a different time zone and these bitches are giving me brain. Once again this shits insane face value is not what it means but you won’t get it because your mind is wired to believe the worst. Could you imagine I even wrote my own cover to The Worst and titled it Pain vs Pleasure. Put some soft stuff in there right before I explained the pain of what happened the first time. I’ve come a long way from my first rhymes, flip we’re back at it again. Arguments don’t stop, tears are still flowing then the puddles keep growing, how did we get into this routine ?
Another round ? I see we’ve gain more listeners, it’s on me so don’t be shy. What do you want ? Hennessy ? Remy Martins ? Captain Morgan ? Vodka ? Or you could go for my personal favourite absinth straight to the chest that’s how I forget about the pain. Opening another box now I see some of you have acquainted yourself with the usual routine.